Focused Agenda
If one is being gaslighted, one really needs to know it!
Focused Read, excerpts in 3 minutes
more if you go into the 2nd gaslighting article, specific to Trump
"What is gaslighting? And how do you know if it's happening to you?
It’s an unfortunate reality that happens in personal relationships and by public figures to the peoples they serve.
“Oh come on. I never said that.”
“You’re just being overly sensitive.”
“I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of this…”
Psychologists use the term “gaslighting” to refer to a specific type of manipulation
where the manipulator is trying to get someone else (or a group of people)
to question their own reality, memory or perceptions.
And it’s always a serious problem, according to psychologists.
“It is always dangerous,” Robin Stern, PhD, Associate Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of "The Gaslight Effect," tells NBC News BETTER.
“The danger of letting go of your reality is pretty extreme.”
It may start out with seemingly small offenses.
But the problem is that even more-or-less insignificant instances of you questioning your own judgment or reality...can snowball.
You can end up in a cycle of not being able to negotiate your daily life in a way where you are clear minded, can focus, can make sound decisions, and have a sense of well-being, Stern says.
Gaslighting happens in personal relationships (think an abusive spouse or, in rarer cases, parent), in professional relationships (a manipulative boss or coworker preying on a subordinate), and even by public figures.
* There are several examples of gaslighting being done by President Donald Trump and his administration, Stern notes.
No matter whether it’s happening in a marriage, between a leader and his or her constituency or elsewhere, it’s important to be aware of the red flags that you (or someone you know) might be a victim...
Gaslighting usually happens in a power dynamic, but it’s not always intentional or malicious
There usually tends to be a power dynamic when gaslighting happens, Stern explains.
The manipulator holds enough power that “the target of the gaslighting is terrified to change up [the relationship] or step out of the gaslighting dynamic because the threat of losing that relationship — or the threat of being seen as less than who you want to be seen as to them — is quite a threat,” she says
If it’s happening by someone you love and care about (like a spouse or parent), you’re going to WANT to believe the other person — and the gaslighter may use that against you, explains Darlene Lancer, JD, MFT, a marriage and family practice therapist in private practice...
“Many people [in this case the targets of gaslighting] change their perceptions in order to avoid having a conflict,” Lancer explains.
But, the gaslighter doesn’t necessarily need to be acting with malicious intent — nor does the gaslighter necessarily need to realize that she or he is gaslighting another person for it to be happening, Stern says.
It might be a result of how you were raised.
Maybe your parents had very cut-and-dry beliefs and that certainty is how they (and now you) see the world and when someone sees things differently you assume something is wrong with them, Stern says.
Maybe you’re upset because you think your boyfriend is always flirting with other girls.
What you don’t see is that it’s the girls that are flirting with him and he’s just being polite.
But your worldview doesn’t allow you to question that maybe you’re getting the situation wrong.
You make him think you know way more about relationships and there’s something wrong with him that he’s not able to see the “error” in his ways.
“Maybe at first you don’t believe it, but over time you may come think that maybe she is right,” Stern says.
Be wary of gaslighting if you start to question yourself a lot
Recognizing that you or someone you care about might be in a “gaslight tango” is not always as straightforward as it might seem because it can start in very subtle ways — and often involves two people (or groups of people) who would otherwise seem to care about one another very much, Stern says.
The term “gaslighting” actually comes from a 1938 play, “Gas Light” (which was turned into a more widely known movie in 1944, “Gaslight”), where a husband manipulates his wife to make her think she’s actually losing her sense of reality so he can commit her to a mental institution and steal her inheritance.
“Not all real-life examples are so diabolical,” Stern says.
A subtler example might be a mother always disapproving of her daughter’s decisions to the extent that the daughter questions decisions she suspects her mother would not agree with.
The mother may or may not consciously want to control her daughter’s every decision, but by being overly critical she’s doing so. ...
How gaslighting happens
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline’s fact sheet, the techniques a gaslighter might use to manipulate someone else can include:
Withholding (meaning he or she refuses to listen or says they don’t understand)
Countering (when the abuser questions the gaslightee’s memory of an event)
Blocking/diverting (when the abuser changes the subject or questions the victim’s thinking)
Trivializing (making the victim’s needs or feelings seem unimportant)
Forgetting/denial (when the manipulator pretends to have forgotten what actually happened or denies something he or she had previously agreed to)
And note that a gaslighter will oftentimes start with something that is true that you might be particularly sensitive about to hook you. ...
Signs you're a victim of gaslighting
According to Stern, look for these warning signs and red flags the type of abuse might be happening to you (or someone you know):
You’re constantly second guessing yourself or have trouble making decisions;
You’re ruminating about a perceived character flaw (like being too sensitive or not a good enough person);
You feel confused about your relationship (if you find yourself thinking: “I thought I had this great husband, but I just feel crazy all the time” or “I thought I had this charming partner, but then sometimes I feel like I’m losing it when we’re together”);
In a confrontation with the person that might be gaslighting you, you feel like you suddenly find yourself in an argument you didn’t intend to have, you’re not making progress or you’re saying the same thing over and over again and not being heard;
You feel fuzzy or unclear about your thoughts, feelings, or beliefs;
You’re always apologizing;
You’re frequently making excuses for your partner’s behavior;
You can’t understand why you’re not happy in your own life; or
You know something is wrong, but you just don’t know what.
And finally, what do you do if you do recognize that someone is gaslighting you? Here’s what Stern suggests:
Identify the problem.
Recognizing the problem is the first step ...
(Sometimes writing down specifics from a conversation that you can look back to later...can be helpful in sorting out the truth from distortion, Stern suggests.)
Give yourself permission to feel what you feel.
Part of the problem with gaslighting is that it results in the victim questioning his or her own thoughts, values, perceptions or feelings.
Acknowledge that what you feel is what you feel so that you can take whatever action you need to take to feel better.
Give yourself permission to make a sacrifice.
Part of what makes it tough for a victim to leave a gaslight tango is that the abuser is someone they care about, they look up to, or they have a relationship with.
“You may have a lot of wonderful things going on in that relationship,” Stern says — but it’s not worth it if it’s undermining your reality.
And to start to regain your sense of self that you’ve lost, you may need to cut that person off, give up some of those wonderful things, or live with that person not having such a high opinion of you, she says.
Start with making small decisions. ...
Get a second opinion. Ask a friend or family member you trust if they think your thinking is as off as your potential abuser says it is.
... You’re responsible to you. You need to be honest with yourself ... "
You can read more of this 2018 article here
* Now that you've read through some information that touches on gaslighting more on the personal level, you can read more about gaslighting on the political level, i.e. Trump: gaslighter-in-chief, in this 2017 article: ↓
(“There is a degree of fabrication that the Trump administration already engaging in that is simply breathtaking,” he added. “I think the blatant lying is so egregious, it just leads the country down a path which is extremely dangerous.” – Bryant Welch, psychologist (2017)"
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Focused Point of Interest, excerpts in 2-3 minutes
"What William Barr doesn’t understand about law enforcement
This week, Attorney General William P. Barr honored 19 law enforcement officers selected by the Justice Department for “Distinguished Service in Policing.” I’m glad he did. I have no doubt that each officer earned the distinction. Law enforcement is a tough and dangerous job, and we are unwaveringly grateful for those who go above and beyond the call of duty.
Unfortunately, while speaking to the officers, the attorney general showed that he simply does not understand the foundational values of modern American policing. “If communities don’t give . . . support and respect” to law enforcement, he said, “they might find themselves without the police protection they need.”
I hope this statement was made in ignorance rather than malice.
It is a knife in the heart of decades of painstaking work to develop bonds of trust between police and the communities they serve.
Law enforcement is not a protection racket.
It is a sacred charge. We take an oath not to any individual or faction but to the Constitution, or, in other words, to society at large.
Because, at the end of the day, law enforcement and the community are the same. The police are the community, and the community is the police.
I served 27 years in law enforcement.
I won’t lie to you: Serving as a black, female police officer, I faced barriers both inside and outside the law enforcement community.
When I was appointed Orlando’s first female chief of police, one online commenter’s reaction was, “Black bitch — what’s she gonna do?”
Despite the challenges, I loved my career.
Modern policing, at its best, is a dynamic, constructive, collaborative and empowering relationship between officers and civilians, predicated on the fundamental principle that in the eyes of the law, all of us are equal.
The attorney general’s words were so disappointing because that modern dynamic was not inevitable — nor is it perfect today.
The origins of organized law enforcement in America are complicated. From the early all-volunteer night watches of Boston and New York, to private detectives rented out to the highest bidder, to the sheriffs, marshals and mobs of the West — there have always been honorable people who enforced the law because it was the right thing to do, as well as those who used the law as a cudgel for their own personal gain.
Race has never been far in the background. During the civil rights era, politicians ordered police violence against the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. and others, including my colleague Rep. John Lewis (D-Ga.). In recent decades, disparate policing of minority communities exploded into wider public consciousness with the Ferguson, Mo., riots and the Black Lives Matter movement.
When Barr referenced certain “communities” that have failed to give the police proper deference, it seems clear he meant black and brown communities —
the very communities in which we should be working the hardest to build relationships and cooperation.
Fortunately, despite the attorney general’s misguided priorities, the Justice Department still understands those principles. Six of the officers honored this week were awarded for “innovations in community policing.” Officer Jonathan Plunkett of Irving, Tex., for example, was commended for creating an outreach program to reconnect with the black community following the assassinations of five Dallas police officers in 2016.
Modern policing demands a great deal from the men and women who wear the badge over their hearts.
It asks for selflessness.
It asks for courage.
And it requires, every day, that each officer put the common good before their own personal needs.
The United States’ law enforcement community does not protect and serve in exchange for plaudits or praise.
Officers don’t withhold that protection out of malice or spite.
They have chosen a career of service and duty, and they put their lives on the line every day because they believe in the greater good.
Barr this week suggested otherwise.
He suggested that sworn officers of the law either would or should violate their oaths, for no other reason than simple pique.
It is a fundamental betrayal of everything we have tried to accomplish in centuries of reform and growth, as we try to bend the arc toward justice.
Perhaps I should not be surprised by the man who misled the public about the Mueller report, who has politicized investigations and who seems to think of the Justice Department as the president’s own personal protection agency.
But I wish I were.
President Theodore Roosevelt said, “No man is above the law, and no man is below it.”
But the law can only be as fair as the human beings who enforce it.
I was proud to be one of them. Every day, I am amazed by the thousands of men and women who serve, and I pray for them daily.
They deserve leaders who clearly understand the true meaning of “Protect and Serve.”
(Val Demings, a Democrat, represents Florida’s 10th Congressional District in the U.S. House of Representatives.)
You can read more here
(Image courtesy of ABC )
Focused Monthly Inspiration
( #itsNovember2020Now )
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Just my random thought this week!
My Democratic Party biased thought for the week
"The Personal is Political via Britannica !
Be informed voters, #Go2TheSource!
MORE, if you want them!: See blogger's choice of sources/resources
↓↓↓↓↓↓
→ Some of my favorite Direct sources & resources for Democrats:
* ( My personal favored and most informative follows are also shared here, below, with the understanding that readers will always apply their own critical thinking to any information provided anywhere by anyone. #StrongerTogether does not share sources of information lightly but -- no one is perfect! -- so always #DistrustAndVerify -- even if it's me. I am using a "star" rating that is strictly based on my situational experience with the work of the media personality specifically in relation to issues of interest to me. )
Democratic Party Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, representative of The People at home & abroad while the President of the United States is MIA...
There is no better way to get your information than to #Go2TheSource
You can find the Speaker's website here
You can find the Speaker's Twitter feed here
You can find the Speaker's Facebook Page here
The Democratic Party Website
Also, NOT exactly a Democratic Party specific source under a GOP majority but a good place to hear and to watch speeches & hearings directly, i.e. #Go2TheSource C-SPAN
+
→ Some of my favorite, most active organizations:
Michelle Obama's initiative ...
"Who We Are
When We All Vote is a non-profit, nonpartisan organization that is on a mission to increase participation in every election and close the race and age voting gap by changing the culture around voting, harnessing grassroots energy, and through strategic partnerships to reach every American.
Launched in 2018 by co-chairs Michelle Obama, Tom Hanks, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Janelle Monae, Chris Paul, Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, When We All Vote is changing the culture around voting using a data-driven and multifaceted approach to increase participation in elections.
In the months directly before the 2018 midterm elections, When We All Vote organized 2,500 local voter registration events across the country, engaged 200 million Americans online about the significance of voting, and texted nearly four million voters the resources to register and get out to vote.
And we’re just getting started. We’re helping bring even more people into the voting process because when we all vote, we all do better. ... "
"Mission: National Security Action is dedicated to advancing American global leadership and opposing the reckless policies of the Trump administration that endanger our national security and undermine U.S. strength in the world. ... "
You can learn more here
(Full disclosure, I am a member!)
"Women are already the majority. Now Let's build a Supermajority.
Women are on the cusp of becoming the most powerful force in America. But to fundamentally transform this country, we need to work together. That’s where Supermajority comes in.
LET’S GET ORGANIZED
We’re building an inclusive, national membership of women who are connected, empowered, and taking action—from increasing their level of civic engagement and advocacy to voting in record numbers.
"Meet the people behind the politicians.
You can email your two Senators and your Representative in Congress in one email here
"Postcards to Voters are friendly, handwritten reminders from volunteers to targeted voters giving Democrats a winning edge in close, key races coast to coast.
What started on March 11, 2017 with sharing 5 addresses apiece to 5 volunteers on Facebook...
Now, we consist of over 20,000+ volunteers in every state (including Alaska and Hawaii) who have written close to 3 million postcards to voters in over 100+ key, close elections."
You can find Postcards to Voters here
Town Hall Project empowers constituents across the country to have face-to-face conversations with their elected representatives. We are campaign veterans and first time volunteers. We come from a diversity of backgrounds and live across the country. We share progressive values and believe strongly in civic engagement. We research every district and state for public events with members of Congress. Then we share our findings to promote participation in the democratic process.
This movement is diverse, open source, and powered by citizens. We are proud to be a part of it.
You can find Town Hall Project here
"Born from conversations between Governor Howard Dean and Secretary Hillary Clinton in the aftermath of the 2016 election, Onward Together was established to lend support to leaders — particularly young leaders — kicking off projects and founding new organizations to fight for our shared progressive values." here
Organizing for America and the Democratic National Redistricting Committee have merged in "All On The Line":
"Barack Obama Throws All His Weight Behind ‘Issue Of Singular Importance’
" Since #StandOnEveryCorner has grown, it’s become a stand by all of us to protect our democracy from corruption and treason...A stand not at your State Capitol, but in your own backyard. Not once every few months, but as often as you can here "
→ Fact checking organizations courtesy of the Society of Professional Journalists
in alphabetical order...
→ Some of my favorite, most informative
follows on Twitter include:
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ US Intelligence | Author | Navy Senior Chief | NBC/MSNBC
⭐⭐⭐ Federal Government Operations | Vanity Fair | Newsweek | MSNBC Contributor | Author
⭐⭐⭐⭐ NBC News' chief foreign correspondent
⭐⭐ Foreign correspondent for @MSNBC and @NBCNews based in London
→ Some of my favorite, highly credible media -- at the moment:
→ Some of my favorite Talking Heads -- at the moment -- and their Twitter handles:
→ Some of my favorite media panelists -- at the moment -- and their Twitter handles:
✅✅✅✅✅ Wendy Sherman Director, Harvard Center for Public Leadership and Professor of Practice, Kennedy School Senior Counselor
Albright Stonebridge Group; Undersecretary of State for Political Affairs
✅✅✅ Jonathan Lemire White House reporter for AP; Political analyst for MSNBC & @NBCNews
✅✅✅✅ Joan Walsh national affairs correspondent for The Nation; CNN political contributor
✅✅✅✅ Heidi Przybyla USA TODAY Senior Political Reporter
✅✅✅✅ Jennifer Rubin Conservative blogger at @ WashingtonPost's Right Turn,MSNBC contributor
Intel community. @ NBCNews/@ MSNBC contributor
✅✅✅✅ Betsy WoodruffSwan Daily Beast reporter, federal law enforcement.
→ Some of my favorite legal analysts in the context of Putin attacked America to install Trump investigations, primarily seen on MSNBC:
🗒️ 🗒️ 🗒️ 🗒️ Katie Phang
🗒️ 🗒️ 🗒️ 🗒️ Glenn Kirschner
→ Some of my favorite Democrat Party Leaders to follow on Twitter, not in elected office but proving knowledge & experience are positives & not negatives are:
Former First Lady Michelle Obama
Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton
Former Labor Secretary/Today's DNC Chair Tom Perez
Note: I rarely get involved in primary races -- outside of those in my own area and unless there is a glaring reason that can not be ignored, I support Democratic Party nominees in general elections. I don't support bashing Democrats.
→ PARTY Informational
(Full disclosure, I am a life-long, registered Democrat!)
"To Whom It May Concern: By authority of the Democratic National Committee, the National Convention of the Democratic Party is hereby scheduled to convene on July 13-16, 2020 in TBD at an hour to be announced, to select nominees for the offices of President and Vice President of the United States of America, to adopt and promulgate a platform and to take such other actions with respect to such other matters as the Convention may deem advisable. ... "
"PREAMBLE We, the Democrats of the United States of America, united in common purpose, hereby rededicate ourselves to the principles which have historically sustained our Party. Recognizing that the vitality of the Nation's political institutions has been the foundation of its enduring strength, we acknowledge that a political party which wishes to lead must listen to those it would lead, a party which asks for the people's trust must prove that it trusts the people and a party which hopes to call forth the best the Nation can achieve must embody the best of the Nation's heritage and traditions. What we seek for our Nation, we hope for all people: individual freedom in the framework of a just society, political freedom in the framework of meaningful participation by all citizens. Bound by the United States Constitution, aware that a party must be responsive to be worthy of responsibility, we pledge ourselves to open, honest endeavor and to the conduct of public affairs in a manner worthy of a society of free people. Under God, and for these ends and upon these principles, we do establish and adopt this Charter of the Democratic Party of the United States of America."
What is the CPD? The Commission on Presidential Debates (the “CPD”) is a private, nonpartisan 501(c)(3) organization. As a 501(c)(3) organization, it is eligible under federal law so serve as a debate sponsor. The CPD's primary mission is to ensure, for the benefit of the American electorate, that general election debates are held every four years between and among the leading candidates for the offices of President and Vice President of the United State. The CPD is an independent organization. It is not controlled by any political party or outside organization and it does not endorse, support, or oppose political candidates for parties. It receives no funding from the government or any political party, political actions committee or candidate. The CPD has sponsored general election presidential debates in every election since 1988. Although its plans for 2020 are in the developmental stage, it looks forward to bringing high quality, educational debates to the electorate in 2020 ...
You can read more here
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(Linked) "...is our 2016 platform...a declaration of how we plan to move America forward. Democrats believe that cooperation is better than conflict, unity is better than division, empowerment is better than resentment, and bridges are better than walls.
It’s a simple but powerful idea: We are stronger together."
Owned, Created and Curated by Gail Mountain, this blog curates is often gently edits and/or excerpts select material for quick reading, with occasional personal commentary in the form of the written word and/or in the form of emphasis noted. Network For #StrongerTogether ! is not affiliated with The Democratic Party. in any capacity. This is an independent blog and the hope is you will, at a glance, learn more about the Party and you will, with a click or two, also take action on its behalf as it is provided!
( * As a privately owned blog, I reserve the right to edit or remove inappropriate comments such as hate, vulgarity, threats of violence, racism, anti-Semitism, spam, advertising or personal/abusive attacks on other users.)
A long time Democratic Party activist, Gail Mountain is a former community organizer, journalist & personal planning coach with a focus on single moms working toward careers able to support them & their families, while working toward changing the systems that once served them through leadership training. She is a former Affordable Health Care for America Act advocate (2009!); a Hillary supporter who volunteered as a Grassroots Tweeter for Hillary, a Women's Outreach for Hillary member; an OFA Truth Team member; & a DNC Factivist member...currently a media influencer, digital activist/strategist, blogger and head of curation, editor and co-Founder of The People for Kamala Harris; an editor for Progress for Democrats on Facebook; a member of a closed group supporting Speaker Pelosi & her agenda, a member of Supermajority and a volunteer for Kamala Harris for the 2020 Democratic Party Nomination for President of the United States.
You can follow her Blog
at https://networkstrongertogether.blogspot.com & you can follow her on Twitter at GKMTNtwits
( find her on Twitter
*** Sometimes life gets in the way, and it has for me right now, delaying the release of my updated ebook but "How to Influence Media in Real Time!"is coming soon and in time to begin your conversation with media as we head into serious primary season.
What's in the book?:
( My updated ebook, "How to Influence Media in Real Time," will be ready soon. It will include updated examples of the conversations I have with some of my “media friends” and some updated indications that media can hear us! If you have left a donation toward my effort to help Democrats win in 2020, I will send you an updated copy as soon as it is ready. New donors who leaves a name and an email on my GoFundMe Page will get one as soon as it is ready to go! Thanking you in advance for your interest. I hope you will join me in helping media be the best they can be -- by being a media influencer, too, in your own way and at your own pace. )
*
See the League of Women Voters website:
*
...for Networking for Democrats today!
g. (Unapologetic Democrat)
✊ Resisting "Fake News"
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